So, I hit my first deadline and sent in my edits with a bowlful of relief and an email full of questions. I loved the feeling that this was a collaboration in a way, a director and an actor working together – my performance but with the hand of my editor firmly on my shoulder. It felt great to send something off and not immediately start biting my nails, waiting for the inevitable rejection.
Ha. So much for that. Old habits die hard. Sarah was called away to a more urgent project, my edits would have to wait a little while.
‘BECAUSE IT’S RUBBISH,’ screamed my Bad Shouty Brain.
‘No, ‘ I telled meself, ‘You bad old brain, editors are very, very busy people, who live with deadlines all the time. You are not the only author Usborne publish. Calm yourself, this is fine.’
‘BUT YOUR BOOK IS RUBBISH THOUGH, YOU’VE MESSED IT ALL UP AND THEY HATE IT, THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU.’
‘Shut up Brain, if I’d messed it up and it was rubbish, they’d tell me very urgently wouldn’t they?’
Brain is quiet for a moment. Then Brain launches new attack,
‘YOU HAVEN’T HEARD FROM YOUR AGENT FOR AGES. SHE KNOWS THEY HATE IT.’
There was only one way to deal with Bad Shouty Brain. Get on with something else. I daydreamed about book launches quite a bit, (more on that another time), but that was not enough to quell my BSB so…
I went back to an old script, whose characters I love and whose basic plot is strong. It lacked the wow of More of Me though, but I had an idea how to fix that. Bad Shouty Brain was not impressed.
‘WHY ARE YOU WRITING THAT OLD RUBBISH?’
‘Oh Brain, GO AWAY.
‘IT’S ALL POINTLESS ANYWAY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING A PUBLISHED AUTHOR? YOU HAVEN’T GOT THE FIRST CLUE ABOUT SCHOOL VISITS OR ANYTHING.’
Why thank you Bad Shouty Brain. I would do some actual research into what makes the best school visit!
Watch this space, I’ve been a -talking to librarians so I have! And published writers who know what they’re doing.
And I’ve bought a new dress. It’s important to be prepared.